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Be The Bra: The Tools You Need to Lift Up & Support Your Girls.

How to Help Your Children Ace Stepping Outside Their Comfort Zone

I’m pretty certain that embarrassing ourselves is not on top of most of our “To Do” lists. And while it’s probably safe to say that we are all more comfortable sticking with things we know, I’m sure we all see the value of stepping outside our comfort zones. Even if it means pushing ourselves to do so and failing in the process, it builds strength and character.  A few weeks ago, I voluntarily (but reluctantly) agreed to step outside my comfort zone. But as I was doing it, I unexpectedly got pushed further and further outside of it. I’m not sure if it’s better or worse that it happened this way. I’ll tell you the story and let you decide. Before jumping in, I need to set the scene so you can feel my distress. Playing sports brings with it a whole host of feelings of insecurity that I’ve carried since childhood. Each year, I try my best to overcome my fears. And a few years back, I registered for the group tennis lessons through Continuing Education. Unlike those people who claim to be beginners, but played growing up and just haven’t played in a while, I exemplify the definition of a beginner.  Other than in gym class and maybe camp, I’ve never picked up a racket. Since then, I’ve taken probably just over 50 lessons. You might be thinking, “Wow, that’s a lot. She must be pretty good by now.” You would be wrong. At least a dozen people were in these group lessons; and the pros have been mediocre at best. So I haven’t learned much, nor...

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What’s Going Through Your Child’s Mind When They’re Stepping Outside Their Comfort Zone

I’m pretty certain that embarrassing ourselves is not on top of most of our “To Do” lists. And while it’s probably safe to say that we are all more comfortable sticking with things we know, I’m sure we all agree that it’s important to step outside of our comfort zone. Even if it means pushing ourselves to do so and failing in the process, it builds strength and character.  A few weeks ago, I voluntarily (but reluctantly) agreed to step outside my comfort zone. But as I was doing it, I unexpectedly got pushed further and further outside of it. I’m not sure if it’s better or worse that it happened this way. I’ll tell you the story and let you decide. Before jumping in, I need to set the scene so you can feel my distress. Playing sports brings with it a whole host of feelings of insecurity that I’ve carried since childhood. Each year, I try my best to overcome my fears. And a few years back, I registered for the group tennis lessons through Continuing Education. Unlike those people who claim to be beginners, but played growing up and just haven’t played in a while, I exemplify the definition of a beginner.  Other than in gym class and maybe camp, I’ve never picked up a racket. Since then, I’ve taken probably just over 50 lessons. You might be thinking, “wow, that’s a lot. She must be pretty good by now.” You would be wrong. I was accompanied by a dozen other people in these lessons, and the pros have been mediocre at best. So I haven’t...

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Moms, Do You Have the Back To School Blues? Let’s Beat It Together!

If you’re anything like me, your wishes turned into reality last week when the countdown to school finally hit zero and the kids got out of your hair…I mean house. Now that we just wrapped week two, the most irritating words you heard echoed all summer, “I’m bored” seem like a distant memory. Yet somehow, you might be longing to hear them again. Summer probably seems like a breeze in comparison to what you are dealing with now – lunches, getting out of the house, coordinating schedules, after-school activities, pickups, etc. There are of course some welcome aspects of our children being safely occupied for the bulk of the day and back on a daily schedule. This is especially helpful for those of us who work from home. Though each September, the start of school smacks us in the face and we seem surprised at how hard it hits. Can you relate? Moms, do you have the back to school blues? This year, I am finding the transition to be particularly stressful. Add a sprinkle of anxiety (and maybe even a dollop of depression) and it makes for a dangerous recipe. In just the first “week” of school (which was actually only 3 school days), I managed to scream at my daughters on two occasions. And when I say I “screamed,” I mean totally lost it (once before school and once after). I stomped away like a toddler, and literally sobbed uncontrollably, on and off, for three days. My abnormal volatile behavior can possibly be attributed to hormonal changes and/or my daughter’s Bat Mitzvah (now in less than a week),...

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Transform Morning Madness into Morning Mindfulness (no magic required)

Getting children up, dressed, fed and out the door for school can feel like a herculean task, regardless of their age. The experience can be just as maddening even when your children are able to do all of that themselves. For those of you with younger kids, I know you’re thinking, “No way. That would be a dream.” I have one thing to say to that, “just wait until you have a teenager.” And if you have girls, get ready to turn up the morning madness a few levels! The reality is that morning madness can negatively impact our entire day. Do you want to transform morning madness into morning mindfulness, without being a magician?  Here are some tips to simplify your morning routine by helping your child become more self-sufficient. Plan ahead:  Make a list of days your child needs to bring or wear something specific. Hang it in their room or in a central location. Get them in the habit of looking at it prior to leaving the house in the morning.  Go food shopping on Sunday and plan out the weeks meals, lunches and dinners. Want to take it one step further? Create a shopping list along with lunch and/or dinner forms. Children can fill in what they want or make it a checklist so all they have to do is mark the box! Prep the night before. Pick out clothing Pack lunch, water and/or a snack Pack the backpack Empower your child to do what they are able to do. This is not only a gift for you, it’s a gift for them. Set their...

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Celebrating Fathers & Their Valuable Role in Their Daughter’s Life

Calling all dads! Although we all know this is a day for your children to stop and appreciate YOU (for a change), Father’s Day is also an ideal time for you to take a moment and think about the important role you play in your daughter’s life. Why? Because chances are you are underestimating the impact you have on her. It’s a widely held belief that the same sex parent, aka her mother, is the biggest influence on your daughter and who she becomes. But guess what? It takes two to tango. Research actually suggests that the different parenting styles men and women typically have come into play in a uniquely powerful way in father-daughter relationships.  A positive relationship with your daughter can have a huge impact on her. From her self-esteem and her self-image, to whether or not she believes in herself.  And we all know that if a girl feels about and views herself in a positive light, it allows her to become a strong and confident woman. And who doesn’t want that for their daughter? So take a minute and think about what defines you as a father. What would your daughter say about you if she was asked? Don’t worry about whether you have the time to help her with homework or attend her after school games. While people might suggest otherwise (and you might even believe it), that is not what defines your role as a father, or what will leave a lasting impression. Showing up for and supporting your daughter is not something that is only based around the school day. There are...

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6 Important Values to Teach Your Daughter

(2.5 minute to read) Like most working moms, my to do list is pages long. And that means I’m constantly juggling things. If you’re anything like me, you might find that while you’re doing one thing, you’re thinking, planning, and reflecting on other things. At some point, conducting ourselves in this manner becomes somewhat second nature. (C’mon tell me…is there really any other way to operate if you want to get things done?) Even though I’m somewhat proud of my ability to multi-task and accomplish a lot, being on autopilot isn’t necessarily sustainable or beneficial. This is especially true when it comes to parenting. How we respond, tend to, and deal with our girls on a daily basis sets the scene for how they will grow up to view the world. I know it may sound like a gross exaggeration, but I really don’t think it is. Rather than only focusing on what will make the present moment easiest, I’ve come to realize that it’s important to take time to think about the key values we want to instill in our children long-term. And then act accordingly. When I reflected on my personal experiences as a mother, I was able to recognize that oftentimes my words, actions and reactions didn’t reflect the values I wanted to instill in my daughters. So together with my husband, we determined our core family values and then wrote them down. Going through this exercise made it easier to ensure that our words and behaviors accurately embodied the values that would most powerfully impact our daughters.   6 Top Values to Teach Our Daughters:...

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Create Traditions & Rituals Your Children Will Never Forget: 12 Ideas

(2.5-minute read) What better way to spend a holiday than with family. Take a minute and think about how you spent your holidays as a child. Odds are you have lots of wonderful memories of the traditions your family created (i.e. finding the matzoh on Passover or enjoying a traditional ham dinner for Easter). What you recall tells a story about your family, like your history and religious / cultural beliefs. But holidays don’t have to be the only time to create traditions and rituals that children will remember. There are endless opportunities to make everyday events and milestones special. And the end result is so much more than creating fond memories. In the New York Times bestseller, The Secrets of Happy Families, author Bruce Feiler, sites a study that showed that “kids who know more about their family history had a greater belief that they could control their world and a higher degree of self-confidence. It was the number one predictor of a child’s emotional well-being.” It’s experiences, not possessions, that bring people more happiness, according to research. Why? Cornell psychology professor, Thomas Gilovich, says it’s because people are “less likely to measure the value of their experiences by comparing them to those of others.” (although with everyone sharing images of their experiences on social media, comparisons now seem inevitable). Establishing traditions strengthen family connection and unity, while instilling a sense of comfort and security. These rituals say, this who we are and what we value. While creating traditions/rituals is priceless, it doesn’t have to come with a hefty price tag. Here are a dozen fun & simple family traditions/rituals:...

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Helping Your Daughter With Her Friend Drama: 7 Do’s & Don’ts

(5-minute read)  I’m not a fan of gender stereotypes. But I think we can all admit that dealing with girls is not always easy…or fun. Especially when young girls approach adolescence, the transformations that are happening within their bodies and their brains present many challenges: changing bodies, fluctuating moods and hormones, increasing responsibilities, and separating from parents in an effort to forming their own identity. No wonder why teenage girls are so sensitive and moody. And while girls are trying to figure out who they want to be, they face a myriad of opinions, pressures, and influences from various sources, which can be daunting…especially when technology and social media are added to the mix. Whether we like it or not, social media influencers will for sure have a huge impact on your daughter. But the friends she chooses will play an even more crucial role. Their beliefs, their likes and dislikes, their style, their attitude, their character – all of it will influence your daughter. Think about it. Regardless of age, it’s nearly impossible to resist being influenced by our friends. So now put your inexperienced daughter (who’s also likely to be insecure) in a situation where she differs from her friends and watch it play out. For example, you may have asked your daughter to give back to the community and she couldn’t find the time.  Yet when her friends are going to a local charity event, she’s on board. Group think is super powerful (and definitely warrants its own future blog – so stay tuned for that!) While this can be advantageous, things can quickly turn from...

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Reframing Youth Sports: What Do We Want Our Daughters to Get? Give?

(3-minute read) The temperatures are rising, the sun is shining, and spring sports are back in play! That often means our daughters are getting more exercise and we’re doing more schlepping to practice and games. For many girls, unfortunately, that also means more tears. Whether it’s because they didn’t start the game, get enough playing time, the coach was hard on them and/or they made a mistake during the game, I see (and hear about) these stories more often than I would like. The good news is, it doesn’t need to be this way. The bad news? Very few of us are taking action to prompt changes to the sports culture You’re probably asking, “How can I change what I (seemingly) can’t control?”  To answer that, we need to first take a step back and think about the reasons we enroll our daughters in sports programs in the first place. Personally, I want my daughters to be physically active, learn skills, and work as part of a team. But it’s not just about practicing and competing. I also see youth sports as an opportunity for my daughters to gain other valuable life skills, such as commitment, persistence, goal-setting, and communication. I want coaches that applaud positive attitudes, effort, and improvement, while also recognizing every child for what they bring to the table. I also want coaches who serve as role models – ones that motivate and inspire my girls to do and be their best. This approach is what enables them to thrive. Our children’s participation in sports is an opportunity to help them grow physically, emotionally, mentally, and...

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Going Solo: Cultivating Social Courage in our Daughters

(3.5-minute read) I’ve never considered myself to be someone who struggles with social anxiety. Put me anywhere and I will be okay. I guess this ability can be attributed to my gift of gab. That being said, I’m still able to empathize with my GAALSters when they share that they are worried about engaging in social activities – whether it’s signing up for an after school activity, going to a party, or attending homework club. Naturally though, that social courage seems to fade and their anxiety intensifies if girls don’t have anyone to join them. When you have someone by your side to provide support, it gives you the courage to stand tall, hold your head high, and feel comfortable in your own skin. But life doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes, we have to do things alone. At GAALS, one of the most beneficial opportunities we provide to girls is facilitating dialogue in a safe, supportive environment where they feel comfortable expressing themselves. Learning that others think and feel the way they do helps them feel less alone (and normal), which in turn builds self-esteem.  So when it comes to conversations about social fears, girls share strategies they’ve tried and even talk about experiences where the outcome was better than they anticipated. Even with this catalyst, many girls still can’t summon up the courage to do something alone. And it breaks my heart. But I could never feel the anxiety in my gut the way I knew they did. Without that feeling, I could only go so far in relating to them. That was until a few weeks...

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